As a child I was always told “God will meet your needs” now what they did not bother to tell me is God also decides the difference between needs and wants. I want a Dr before my medication runs out , I feel this is also a need. But does God? Is there a reason in my progressive town filled with artist (whom we all know have issues), why am I so aware of the fact I have 8 pills left. 8 pills that allow me to be me but sane, with rational thought? I have been put on waiting list long enough to allow me a front row seat at a taping of “Saturday Night Live” or at least a J.T. show. These waiting list are to have initial consultations with Dr’s most of which do not take my insurance. My insurance that I pay over 400 dollars a month for. I am willing to pay the exorbitant prices they charge out of my very empty pockets. I want to be healthy. The American health consortium,(I know about price fixing-I have done it myself) and it is indeed that, does not care for my issues. I am blessed with a Psychiatrist and a Psychologist in my immediate family. These are the people I ask when I am overwhelmed by the “no’s” and the “sorry’s”. This gives me peace, not of mind but of spirit.
I am so worried about the state of our country. When a person of my rank locally with insurance so good people take the job for the benefits, cannot get help what about the others? I am a peaceful (somewhat) happy (most of the time) bipolar. What about the others? My friends that left the hospital with the same 13 pages of Dr’s that said no and sorry? At what point do we break. How many of us do not even have a friend we feel close enough to hug? These are the ones that pick up guns to use on themselves or others.
Please wake up and see we are hurting, we need you to see us and not judge us for a disease we cannot control.
For any of my brothers or sisters going through this or similar situations Please hang on. Lets talk to each other. As soon as I am healthy enough I will build a forum for you to use. One that allows us to not be judged or afraid to say things whisper in our ears or we really thing we could fly if the wind was right.
As I am writing this post. My brother is setting up an appointment for a Psychiatrist one that my therapist, the one I have never met, suggested. So there is your answer he meets your needs in a way that you know it was him. We have to have reminders that even though we often play God, we are not.