Monthly Archives: February 2013

Spam I am

So as I look through my comments I see what has to be spam posted several times.  I still think I will post the spam I like.  Not many people take the time and effort to comment. Myself included, do not feel bad it is a human condition. So occasionally spam will make me smile. The ones that stroke my ego are the best. I occasionally go to the “enlarge your penis” or “guaranteed weight loss” websites they are desperately trying to get me to go to. Because behind every hacker, bot, virus and mean mugging comment is a person that wants to be seen. To many of us being seen is being loved. Similar to being trusted or being loved. However you choose to see that the result is the same. Let me give you an example.  At Christmas time I had a mission of love. I was feeling a little invisible, perception is very different from reality. Once I saw that in print I knew I had to clarify. If it is in your head it is real to you so my perception while misguided was very real to me. I post this spam because that person in charge of the decision to send it out is also sending out another softer message. See me.

When I was a teen my favorite music was punk rock my favorite musical “Tommy” and ‘Hair” my favorite book Heinlen’s “Stranger in a Strange Land”. What do these have in common?……..think about it…….

See me, love me, stop hurting me. Check this out:

These might not be the best example but my warriors are sleeping and I am on a mac book….unsure of how to adjust the sound so it serves the purpose for today.

My point is what was your hide a way? Did you find peace in scents like my friend James or film like my beautiful bear Robert or maybe cooking the perfect cake. It does not matter. What does matter is if it has stopped working for you. Speak in language others can hear visit forums and get your own knowledge, perhaps just start by writing it down in a safe place or you might visit my favorite nurses and get a stigmata. I will wear mine with pride but I have always been stubborn and cared about the voiceless, sometimes to the demise of my own health. No worries friends, I know many ways to process darkness and am in the process of getting someone smarter than me to help. Till then feel free to abandon my show before intermission the one thing I strive to do is to lessen not exacerbate your pain. Oh and I will eventually get the grammer right or find an editor.




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Is crazy a state of mind or body

Ya know after so many hours of lost sleep you have to ask that question. My zanex induced slumber was shaken awake at 3 this morning sad…it did not start until after eleven..


Good news I cannot drive ….yes merica, your children are safe.

Also please note I will not be jumping of or putting on things ,objects or insertions so sleep well warriors mama is fine.

As my stregnth returns I will be giving this to Kali or keepin it but tumbler called and he is lookin fine these days so who knows….the mystery gets thicker.




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Watch the skies

I amused someone I love with “it is not paranoia if it is true” ….I would ask you to use the interweb to watch the skies…


Just cause boy scouts were wrong about a lot but wise in the whole “be prepared  portion of the training.

you is strong, you is wise, you is loved.


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How many people you love know a jail

My answer would be quite a few. I was blessed enough to work at a detention center for children. Yes they do exist. I was taken there by one of my very on B Children. Once I enter the facility I felt overwhelmed by the need. Needs I did not think I could meet. So naturally I took the challenge. That was 10 years ago.

A quick update we will call it then and now..

Then no viable library. The books they had limited access to were given to them by well meaning geriatrics. I believed in my heart a 14 year old would not read Barbra Cartland heaving bosom’s or check their prostrate on purpose.

Challenge accepted. I knew from the 14 year old that brought me to this conclusion and his older and younger siblings what they would read. Also I was quite a hellcat as a teen so I can still smell bullshit from miles away.

I saw the film Atlas Shrugged the other day at this point in my life I had not. I was an employee of a library. A part time employee who’s job was not to form a relationship with an organization that was not a part of the city I served.

Challenge accepted. The first three years were the hardest. Working in an institution like this one learns quickly the walls do not hold the prejudice from the world or the mistrust from the staff.

It still amazes me what boldness can do. I want to call it lack of fear but that is not true. It took brass balls to fight my job and I was terrified. When the income was feeding my family, and without it we could have been sleeping on the couch of well meaning friends. Those well meaning but curious friends who did not see the leap from entertaining children to going to jail. My beloved family that thought I was bat shit crazy and why could I not just send a thank you card like everyone else. My patient husband who wears a crooked halo. I remember his continued “why are you doing this” and my answer was “because I have to god damn it”.

Every time the boulder seemed to be going up the hill, it was knocked down. At year three I engaged on a level that brought help. I found interns are God sent. Things started to happen. When people see who I convinced to talk to my kids they are amazed. Sometimes directly sometimes through kind people and sometimes through fate. All times with God hand on my head. Divine intervention is the only reason I have this story to tell.

Once we started becoming a big deal I was able to come into the light. They still did not trust in either camp but the statistics started speaking for themselves.  Children were reading. Children were changing. They wanted a piece. I love my kids. So yes sir take as much as you can eat.

Then we got an angel to watch over my babies. She is fierce and intelligent and will change the world. I thank God for her every day. She took the profile to a level that cancelling us would make them all look bad. Then God sent me a guardian.

In all their wisdom the school district that is responsible for the education of my children decided maybe they did need a librarian. I found this out a few days ago and I wept. Finally I can take them off the list…not the I think about you list. The I pray until my gut hurts list. You see in this tiny corner of the globe someone cares about my babies. OK time to find another Dragon because bastard of illiteracy and poverty I have slain you in this building.

Thank you God for giving me boldness and ignorance. Thank you my family for understand my obsession to help. Thank you my boy, for knowing how hard it is sometimes and turning on a sitcom to make me stop and breathe.  I love you all.

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Challenge M

I tried to find a site that gave us these kind of prompts I did not find one. I was taught if you want something that does not exist make it. Sometimes we need to get outta our heads and remember why we love to write. Make yourself laugh or cry I do not care. If you are particularly proud of what comes out I will post it here just send me a link.

Funny thing….my husband fussed at me when I got a quote wrong from the game…..he said “without ethics what are we”

SOOOOSO writers, bloggers, bored folks here we go. The first set of sentences was overheard at a fashion show what kind you do not know hehe. The second set was overheard at a ball game….what kind you do not know…I am lovin this. Few reules ….like my accent.

1) Use at least 10 of these 5 from each list.

2) HMMMMMMMmmmm yuep that is it..

andddd GO



I do want to wash my hands…can I wash my hands?

Oh yeah that’s the way.

Be Dustin Be Dustin

I was actually moved to tears

Lets all be Dustin

I know I gotta work this


Just a shitty shitty chain restaurant

I need a piece of gaff

Tequila on my shoulder makes me happy

I am a real man

Did you say edible…not quite deep enough.

Beer is among the one necessity for my life right now

Oh yeah, well you are poking out now

Always a wild card

They said Chicken down, but supposedly I heard they can go underwater.

I need a little piece for my boobies.

I’m feelin a little wild child

dang girl dang

Is that mine….nah Ill take hers



All the blacks have woken up from their slumber  too little too late

clock is at zero substitutions being made

Gimmie yer bowl

All goes flat

again pass isnt sharp

works the outside

He’ll use a stiff arm

He is a big tall man

Get the turn

You carry that mindset with you

Battle for third place

you are obviously dangerous

stop farting for a living

look up and see some support

its itty bitty

Done it so many times

see his foot come rappin

that is frustration

every guy shows the character he has inside


Have fun and remember the rule…….come on there is only one.



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Old Friends and attitude

So I ran into my old friend last night. I told him about the post that told him to FUCK off….he laughed and laughed. This is why he is my old friend. My wish for you is to call that person you can do this to. They are much too valuable to your health to lose.

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I adore my ignorance

I went from a negative 87 percent to over 1000 positive percent….go me.


February 9, 2013 · 4:42 pm